You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize