If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
