Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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