I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
