i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
