Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
