sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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