i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
