I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
