I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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