First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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