Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
