I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
