Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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