apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
