WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
