let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
