does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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