break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize