I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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