Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
