Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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