I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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