i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
