the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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