god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize