The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
