Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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