I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
