We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
