On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
