i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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