Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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