My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
