So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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