you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
