my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
