I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
