you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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