I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
