He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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