What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
