I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
