tell your sister to shave her snatch
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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