you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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