you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
