Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
