my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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