i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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