a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
