my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
soo... how was my night?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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