i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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