Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
