Moan for me like Helen Keller
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize