you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
