I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
