I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize