Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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