She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
