There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize