call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
