someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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