I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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