ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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