The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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