Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
