There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
