I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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