do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
