i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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