Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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