I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
