How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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