just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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